So I've been sitting by my computer for the last hour trying to figure out how to get people excited over the European Soccer Championship, which starts tomorrow.
Should I discuss how the Dutch's 4-5-1 system is completely ill-suited for the team they have? How about the hope that the 2004 champions, Greece, are going to have a tough time getting out of group play? Or the effect that new coach Gus Hiddink will have on a moderately talented Russian squad?
Nah, it's much easier to spotlight some of the hot soccer WAG's (wives and girlfriends) that will be in the crowd and player boxes over the next three weeks.
For instance, the tournament opener tomorrow pits the Czech Republic against one of the host nations, Switzerland. Who'll you be checking out in that game? Edita Hordova, sig other of Czech striker Milan Baros.
Then, Tuesday afternoon, while Spain is competing against the Russian squad, you can gaze at Eva Gonzalez, girlfriend of Spanish goalkeeper Iker Casillas (careful, goalies have a lot of free time during the games to knock out leering guys).
While the Germans are taking on Portugal Sunday, you can fooucs on Helen Sveden, wife of Portugese forward Luis Figo.
The Netherlands may be in the group of death, but when they play Italy and France in their first two games, your focus should be on Sylvie Van der Vaart, wife of Dutch midfielder Rafael Van der Vaart.
And finally, Italy is considered the favorites to win Euro 2008. And that means more air time for Valentina Zambrotta, wife of Italian defender Gianluca Zambrotta.
Interested yet?
For whatever it's worth, I'll pick Switzerland, Portugal, Germany, Croatia, Italy, France, Spain, and Russia to make it out of group play. Portugal, Italy, Germany, and Spain will be in the final four, with the Italians lifting the cup after beating Portugal in the finals.